Thoughts

Kids! They are so lucky. They have the special ability to express that emotion with which they can vent all their worries in one shot. Frankly speaking I envy them. I wish I could vent out all of mine like them.

Today my day started with seeing a child crying for some sweets. Her wish for chocolates was so innocent. Her mind must be that clear. Without any other worries about past / present / future or her actions.

I’ve been passing through a lot of emotional hurdles for the past 2 years. I have tried to vent them out a lot of times. I started enjoying walking alone at night. Tried to attain freedom by trying to get hold of that special emotion. The truth is, I’ve lost my ability to express that special emotion. The max I feel is sad. Many of my friends have complained a lot about my emo break downs. But the truth is those are failures of myself for not able to express my true feelings.

One of my wish is to atleast cry out once for all I have had in the past 2 years, good and the bad. I just want to get my tear glands wet once more to wipe out some bad breakdowns.

Society, you’re a crazy breed.
I hope you’re not lonely, without me.
Society, Eddie Vedder (Into the wild)

The closed society has always told to aim high, keep the dream high, and keep the tempo up. I’ve always had a dream, but never worked out, always had wanted it to become fruitful. But it never worked out.

The society is a hypocrite, it is like a selfish environment which wants everyone to outperform for its own good. It never wants us to perform for our good.

The one thing ‘ve noticed about the society is that it has a natural affinity to game theory. It knows what is good for itself. It is like in the pessimistic movies where the people live a ruined life.

I remember when one of my friends had told me that life is simple, and I didn’t agree to it. I told him that life is a complex shit. And I’m becoming more sure that it is complex than complex.

Having a dream is not enough. Another friend of mine had recently told me that your future is not just depended on you and your capabilities and I didn’t agree to it. But after about 2 weeks from that conversation, I have to admit that she was right. There are people like agent Smith, who just want to get the game theory worked out in the society. Yes there are.

There are some special elements in the game theory played by the society, called friends. They are really special, you never know what they are meant to be until you understand that they are all part of the implementation of the Game theory.

Even at the midist of all the negativity I have had, I still have a dream. Yes, that is why I chose the white water rafting.

Life is changed. College officially got over last month. It is surely gonna be one of my best chapters of my life keeping the academics and college administration apart. Met a lotta interesting people, saw the change of characters, relationships and attachments over the time of 4 years. Wonderful it was.

Life is indeed unexpected and pretty much complex. Decisions you make, things you have to achieve, people around you, people who are not, everything is very tough after the college. Had a few days outing with friends post exam, but missed some special few during those outings. Although the outings where all good, din enjoy them because of the unknown type of river ahead and the sport I will be into in a few days. Finding the balance in life is kinda tricky thing you encounter, and this moment was the critical one. And i chose white water rafting and that too, the rush started earlier than I thought.

An unknown playground I’m in, I knew rowing through the lake, canoeing through calm river.

Never told anyone my things completely. May be it was because of past experiences I have had from various aspects of life.

Moments are the greatest of all things I believe human mind is more excited about. I have captured some moments both with my camera, and my memory. I have some very special ones in my memory, which ‘m very sure most of them involved might have forgotten. The tiny details are the ones which put a smile on my face from those moments.

Studies never happened really at college for me, but education really did work out for me in my own ways. I like taking personal risks a lot, but really doesn’t like taking risks when others are involved in the act.

The post college life is really tough. It is really early to tell it, but, even though I’ve experienced a bit of this loneliness away from friends last summer, this one is really different. I know there is no place to go back to find them. I really hope they do join me at some points at the river, especially some special people close to heart.

Even though I had some good friends, I mostly lived a life of loner during those days. I remember one of my classmates telling me how pathetic I’m in making new friends, and I had to admit that I do keep a very small friends circle to me. Things are the same even now. My situation has always been so, a small circle to interact with. It has its goods and bads.

There are a lotta things I’ve learnt from my parents, that they won’t have ever though I would have noticed and have taken decisions of. Some of the decisions I’ve taken about my life are real harsh, and there are few who really know that and I really hope they become a part of messing it up.

In the early stages of this white water rafting I really want people to come along, and say hi once in a while. The place I’m in is no new to me, but is finding it real hard to settle down this time, because of the combined emotional, mental, and a lotta other breakdowns. The best part is the self recovery. I must say it is like getting nirvana.

With all the hard rush in the water, ‘m waiting for my friends to join me soon on their calm rivers and say hi when we meet along the flow of life.

• You say LOL when you hear a really good joke from your frnd.
• You don’t keep track of spellings anymore.
• You can’t write essays beyond 150 words with pen and paper.
• You always look back on what you wrote on paper, just to see if you have zig-zag red lines underneath any of them.
• You forget the real spelling of coz.
• You forget that it was I not an i.
• You start misplacing the apostrophes.
• You google your bike’s keys.
• You love dim light at your desk.
• You take more caffine hits.
• You have breakfast/lunch/dinner at your own table.
• You can type faster than you can write.
• You will surely have an avg typing speed of over 45wpm.
• You stop reading the newsPAPER.
• You don’t have the same sleeping routine you had at your 10th Grade.
• You find it difficult to adjust with a new keyboard.
• You wish you could submit all your assignments as printouts.
• You have frequent back pains.
• You have an uptime of 24*7.
• You pack your laptop in the end, when you are getting ready for a journey.
• You ask your friend to email you a reminder instead of asking him to call you up.
• You want to sitt facing the door in your room rather than facing away from it.
• You love watching movies at your computer rather than at theaters.

You can teach a student a lesson for a day; but if you can teach him to learn by creating curiosity, he will continue the learning process as long as he lives. ~Clay P. Bedford

First a few stuff the people with wisdom

• Here is a talk by Ken Thompson about schools and creativity.
• Here is another talk by Gever Tulley about Tinker school

I’m an “Engineering” student from Kerala, India, where engineering education is nothing more than learning by hearting stuff from the text books and vomiting it out on the answer papers. Almost all the students who pass out engineering in Kerala are only good at mugging up things. I’ve also been in the influence of this bad education system.

What is believe is about studying REAL stuff rather than mugging them up. I admit that I’ve a few backlogs in engineering papers and that is my own fault. But there are subjects I really love and more than reading them and reproducing them on an answer sheet, I have been trying to use them for some practical use. Read the rest of this entry »